Self Harm

If you got here early, then the layout of this page might change as I add and organise info. Everything may be split up into subpages or splattered all over here in one go. Who knows yet. Not me.

For now, here is, to the best of my ability, what I wish to share about self harm.

Self harm is a tricky thing to approach, which is why I initially put off making this page for much longer than I wanted to. A lot of this will be based on my own experiences, and so I can’t possibly speak for every self harmer out there. But it’s nice to know there’s others out there, sort of.

So, here’s a short blurb about self harm, from someone who used to have a little problem with it. Whether you’re having this problem yourself, looking for info regarding a loved one, or just surfing the web, I hope that anything here can be of use to you.

What exactly is self harm?

Self harm (often abbreviated online as SH or S/H) is any deliberate act of inflicting pain upon or injuring oneself. The most well known method is cutting the skin, but other acts like biting or hitting oneself, burning, scratching (with or without drawing blood), or poisoning all count. This is not an exhaustive list.

More severe methods can leave permanent marks and scars on the body, although this is not required for a behaviour to count as self harm.

Why?

Many reasons! This is where things can get a little complicated.

Some people may injure themselves-

• as self-punishment, feeling as though they deserve to be in pain
• to externalise psychological pain, possibly making it easier to understand
• to release tension in the mind and/or body
• as a cry for help, or to have their problems taken seriously
• because they enjoy the way their preferred self harm method looks, either during or afterwards (this is most likely to be in combination with other reasons)
• to feel in control of themselves, their bodies, their surroundings, their lives
• to ground themselves during moments of emotional turmoil
• to feel something when it’s hard to feel emotions (e.g. during depressive or dissociative episodes)
• due to peer pressure and/or a sense of competition with other self harmers
• because they have yet to find a healthier emotional outlet that works for them

The most likely option is that it is multiple of the reasons above, perhaps with one being more conscious and the others acted upon subconsciously, as well as some other things that are specific and personal to the person’s life. Many people don’t fully know why they self harm, and that’s okay too.

Are they suicidal?

Not necessarily. Plenty are, plenty aren’t. While most, if not all self harmers are dealing with some sort of mental illness, the severity of said illness can range wildly. Additionally, the severity of a person’s self harm is not always an indication of the person’s mental state; less severe self harm doesn’t signify a less ill individual, and vice versa.

It is true, however, that many will use self harm to alleviate thoughts of suicidal. For some, it may be the only way they know to cope.

What do people use to self harm with?

I’d rather not have a list of tools that can be used to hurt yourself right here.

But in theory, anything. You’d be surprised what people can get their hands on. Objects with blades are fairly common self harm tools (and admittedly easier to find than you might think), items that produce heat can be used to burn, and even the hands can be used to hit and scratch oneself. For this reason, it is often difficult to completely eliminate all potential self harm tools from a person’s environment.

self harm tools may be selected based on the sensation they bring, how effective they are at breaking the skin (some prefer deeper cuts, while others prefer shallow ones), how portable they are, whether they’re easy to conceal, convenience in both acquisition and usage, and occasionally, aesthetics. Different people will prioritise different factors depending on their wants and needs.

I think someone I care about is self harming. What can I do?

As corny as it sounds, the best thing to do is listen to them. Try to approach them somewhere you can both comfortably speak without pressure, and open the conversation with something non-interrogatory. Let your loved one lead the conversation and decide how much to tell you at first. If you feel it is appropriate or necessary, ask more about why they are self harming, the severity of the problem, and how they may want you to help. You know your loved ones best.

Do not ask to see their self harm or their scars at this time if they haven’t offered to show you first, it could make them feel ashamed or insecure. This is the opposite of what we want.

This is most likely not the best time to ask them to stop; they are currently enduring a lot of stress and despair and will probably be unable to follow through. Do not, under any circumstance, force someone into an ultimatum (e.g. ‘If you hurt yourself again, then I will too.’), as the pressure and guilt that’ll follow will only make the situation worse. Generally, asking someone to stop ‘for you’ isn’t very helpful, either.

Instead, you could offer to be available to them when they feel the urge to self harm again, to help distract them or to listen to any grievances that might trigger self harm. Encouraging someone to quit for their own wellbeing is much healthier in the long run than quitting for someone else’s sake, although being surrounded by supportive peers can be the thing that kick starts someone’s recovery.

Don’t get upset at relapses - your loved one is most likely trying their best and didn’t want to relapse either. You’ll have much better luck at positively encouraging staying clean rather than punishing periods of ill health.

What is best will often vary from person to person. Ask what they want from you and their life, and balance this with what is possible, healthy, and sustainable.