it’s not doing anything oh god it’s not fucking doing anything its all I have left I don’t know why what am I doing wrong is it me is it this it’s this useless piece of shit it wont work nothing ever fucking works it’s just not doing anything anymore how am I supposed to know why it won’t go any further than this I cant do it I can’t keep going I’m doing everything I can I can’t get it to work it’s getting everywhere and it’s still not working this is what I’m supposed to do isn’t it god oh fucking god theres so much I feel the same I still feel like shit this isn’t going to fix that god why wont it fucking do anything I can’t even get this right I need to stop right now can’t you do anything? nobody ever does shit for me no one cares oh god theres a lot I didn’t even do much how’s it getting everywhere no one can fucking do anything I need to stop at some point I’ve barely done anything it’s not a big deal I’m dramatic I’m being dramatic and ungrateful but nobody fucking does anything this was supposed to help I should feel better why don’t I feel any better it’s not doing anything I can’t do anything right I can’t even do this right oh god it hurts it’s starting to hurt why does it fucking hurt

Im so weak Im tired and Im weak I need to ruin something good I need to break something and Im the only thing that wont fight back I carve this into me shallow words that I need to penetrate deep they’re the only ones I understand the wounds are shallow and my hands already shake I am so weak. I am angry and I say this because it’s the only word I know I won’t know what else to call it until it’s all over language is a tool for us to understand ourself I have no grasp on my own language its all foul and crass this is the only language that I was raised with. reading alone won’t make you intelligent it won’t educate you all I do is read and I have nothing to show for it I feel myself slowing down each day and all I can do is watch from inside myself it consumes me it is nothing and it swallows me latently as if it wants me to feel every part of myself fall away I feel my mind run dry.